HOW TO BE A BETTER ALLY

Pride Week in Sudbury is just about wrapped up! But what about the rest of the year? You might not personally identify under the LGBTTIQQ2SA+ umbrella, just be a supporter. Well, guess what? You, my friend, are an ALLY, and you are an important part of the rainbow too! An ally is someone who identifies as heterosexual/cisgendered but is still committed to equality for marginalized groups. If this sounds like you welcome to the club! While we as allies do no face the same kind of discrimination and challenges our queer counterparts do we still have a role to fill. It is up to allies to advocate, speak up and challenge narrow views to help make the world more accepting. If you’ve been struggling with your role as an ally here are some ideas to get you on the right track.

Ask thoughtful and respectful questions

Let’s face it there are about a million and one ways to express yourself these days and each one is valid. This does, however, mean that you might run into someone who’s personal expression gets you curious. It’s okay to be interested but it’s very important to know how and when to ask questions. There is a world of difference between asking a person “are you a boy or a girl?” vs asking “what pronouns do you prefer?”. Consider your motivation, relationship to the individual as well as the time and place. These are intimate details about a persons life and identity you’re prying into, and it’s up to them if they feel comfortable to disclose information. This brings us to our next point…

Do your own research

Queer people do not go about their lives looking for opportunities to educate you! Imagine having to explain your existence to every curious person you run into? Sounds exhausting, and it is! Your intentions might be good but it’s just not on queer people to feed you information, the internet is a great tool! If there’s something that’s caught your interest look it up – just make sure you’re using a reliable resource. Fierte Sudbury Pride has a great collection of resources you can check out at www.sudburypride.com. This is not to say topics of gender identity and sexuality aren’t to be discussed. Educating yourself will allow you to bring new ideas into the conversation and that’s how acceptance really happens.

Assess Your Privilege

Privilege can be a little bit tricky, no one wants to admit that they have an advantage because of their circumstance. Assessing your situation takes a lot of honesty and its quite a sobering reality to find that you’re benefiting from social oppression. Think of what a privilege it is to be able to love who you want to love without judgment. It’s a privilege that your outside appearance and gender identity match. Maybe it doesn’t seem like much but your privilege is what has allowed you to move throughout the world without fear. Only once you’ve acknowledged your experience can you start to be truly compassionate towards others experience.

Make Space

As an ally, there is a real possibility that you may have access to an audience that your queer counterparts might not. So what does making space look like? It’s advocating for policies and procedures in your workplace the make the environment more inclusive. It’s choosing to have gender-neutral bathrooms at your restaurant. It’s about using your voice in the room to dis-spell inaccuracies or call out hurtful behaviour. There’s an important second step to this though too – make the space, then hand the mic. You do not speak for queer people so while it is very important as an ally to start the conversation its also not your experience to speak to. Let queer people speak for themselves about their concerns once you’ve given them the floor.

Something to consider: why not include your pronouns in your email signature? You might think your gender identity is obvious so it’s just not necessary. By adding this simple piece to your signature however, you’re reinforcing the notion that it shouldn’t be assumed and making way for others to state their preference.

Listen and support

This one is pretty self-explanatory, just be a good friend to the queer people in your life! Listen with an open heart when they are expressing challenges they’re facing. Be sympathetic, offering support and understanding. Be a source of strength and comfort when they need it. Remind them that being who they are is important, special and valid. You might not know exactly how to help them or have experience in what they’re dealing with but sometimes just being there to listen is enough.